When both parents pass away, who do you turn to for comfort and support? How do you move on? Read part one in a series about coping as an Adult Orphan.
Having one’s parents live to a ripe old age before taking that final journey is what everyone hopes for, but in many cases a parent will pass on before their child. Occasionally, both parents will pass. If the child is young, they are usually raised by relatives. But what happens to adult orphans?
For a lot of adult orphans, they still have a spouse, siblings, or children to help them through the long, difficult process. But for others who don’t have that support system in place, it can be much harder.
Most people who experience a loss are met with condolences and awkward conversations. Not everyone is going to be able to relate to the loss of both parents. These people are trying to reach out in the only way they know how. Try to accept their sympathy in the spirit that it is intended.
In the case of someone who’s lost both parents, the pain can feel almost unbearable. First, there may be the realization of being completely and utterly alone in the world, even if there is a spouse or other relations in the picture. The world suddenly becomes much larger.
It’s not uncommon for this feeling to be accompanied by fear and anxiety. Before, there were parents to protect you and give you advice. They were there to praise your accomplishments and help you through failures. You may not have always agreed with their decisions, but you knew they were always there for you.
And then they weren’t.
How Do You Go on?
How do you pick yourself up each day and carry on, when even the simple act of getting dressed seems like too much to bear? How do you combat the gnawing feeling of emptiness? How do you manage the grief?
Realize that the grieving process is different for each person. There’s no predetermined length of time to start feeling like yourself again. It’s okay to be sad, angry, scared, or even numb. Don’t chastise yourself if something trivial causes you to burst into tears. This is your grief and no one else’s.
It is not uncommon for the adult orphan to experience feelings of guilt or resentment. Try to look at it realistically. Illness and accidents can happen at any time in our lives. It’s unfortunate, but dwelling on it will not change the outcome.
Get back into your routine as soon as you are able. The familiarity of a regular routine such as work or school can help to occupy your mind. Socialization will also reinforce the fact that, although it may feel like it, you are not alone in the world.
Surviving the Holidays
The holidays can be the most traumatic part of the year for an orphan. If may feel as if you’re on the outside looking in at the happy, celebrating families. You’re reminded of past holidays spent with your own parents. Time to get back to basics: One step at a time.
Usually you’ll be invited to spend the holidays with friends or other family members. They are not inviting you out of pity, but because they honestly want to include you in their family. Embrace it. These are the first steps to building a support network.
Build your Support Network
Having people who support and care about you is very important. Strengthen ties with friends and family. Join a support group for the loss of a parent. Connect with people who are going through the same thing. Let them help you through the low spots. You are not alone.
The copyright of the article Adult Orphans in Personal Development is owned by Beverly Hill. Permission to republish Adult Orphans in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.
i lost my dad in 2002 and mom in 2003. and there's five of us.
Oct 24, 2008 12:06 PM
Guest :
I lost my mother March 22, 2008 and my father August 8, 2008
Oct 31, 2008 12:24 AM
Guest :
I lost my parents within 8 weeks of each other. It is hard to deal with,
but as advised on this website, embrace those who are there to help you
through it. You learn to live with it, you don't get over it, so don't beat
urself up trying. Take each day as it comes and if you want to cry...do !
Even in the middle of a supermarket. It happened me in Marks and Spencer, a
lady came up and asked me what was wrong, I said, thru the tears, " I
lost my Mum and Dad"..she Said "Come on, I will help you look for
them"....I am 43 !! True story and bit of humour to hopefully lighten
what is a very painful load.
Nov 2, 2008 7:38 AM
Guest :
I lost both parents within 5 days of each other. Even 2 years on I still
feel as though I have not been able to mourn for each one in the complete
way I need to. The pain hasn't gone away but with time it is becoming
easier to live with.
Nov 8, 2008 7:43 PM
Guest :
I lost my parents this year also. Dad had a heart attack and was in the
hospital for four months while Mom was home dying of cancer.( dad never
made it home to my Mom. I basically quit working my rel estate job to care
for Mom, which was horrible itself. I know there are people that have been
through much worse than me, and I am feeling sorry for myself. It is a
horrible thing to watch your parents suffer that way. I am 36, divorced,
no children, and have basically shut out most of my friends and what little
family I have left. They have their own lives, and I just feel so alone.
I feel like such baby, it has been hard for me to get back to work as I
don't feel like getting out of bed each day. I feel like the only thing I
am living for is my 18 year old dog! Not sure what to do as I feel like I
am letting life pass me by and I am alieniating myself. People survive
much worse, and I am being a complete baby!
Nov 9, 2008 8:52 AM
Beverly Hill :
To the last guest: You are not being a baby. It's completely natural to
feel the way you do. Each one of us grieves differently and there's no
right or wrong way to grieve. My situation is very similar to your own; I
was single, no children, and no siblings when I lost my parents. I, too,
retreated into my shell for quite some time. I found no joy or comfort from
trying to go through the motions. But slowly, over time, I've been able to
come out of my shell and start living again.
One of the reasons
I started this series of articles was because I did find it so hard in the
beginning. It seemed almost as if it was one of those things that "no
one talks about." I really had to look to find help outlets, like with
the Yahoo Adult Orphans group (just do a search on Yahoo for "Adult
Orphans.") Simply joining the group and talking to others that have
been through the same thing that we have made me realize that, no matter
how alone we may feel, there are others like us out there. I consider the
friends that I've made there and in other circles to be my "new"
family now.
I also found a good counselor and went to him for a
couple of years. He also suggested many of the things that I've tried to
communicate to others. Find an activity that gets you out of your shell and
back out into the world doing something. For me, it's been hiking, cycling,
kayaking, and writing. And while it's fine to vegge out on the couch once
in a while when we're having an off day, DO make the effort to get up, take
care of yourself, and experience life. The healing process often does take
a long time, but we do heal. We can't replace those we've lost, but we can
try to honor them by continuing to live our lives
Nov 9, 2008 3:49 PM
Guest :
Hi,
I lost my mother in June 2007 after she was diagnosed with a
very aggresive form of Liver cancer. At the time my father had very intense
care needs and just reading another comment here, I knew that I hadn't
mourned the death of my mother as I had to keep myself 'Strong' for the
sake of my dad and look after him and make sure that he was ok. My dad
moved in with us for three months whilst his home was being adapted in mid
2008 and that proved to be quite difficult (I work full time, have a three
year old child and a husband who has MS, but is doing really well on the
treatment that he's on). Dad's health had deteriorated both whilst he
was with us and even more so after he moved back to his own home. To be
honest it seemed that he gave up once my mom had passes away. We made
sure that we fought for a really good social care package from the
authorities, which really did help and my younger brother was living with
my dad so he was there to help in the evening's, but he worked full time
and I know that he found this a struggle. On 3rd November 2008, my dad
was admitted to hospital and he passed away peacefully on 4th November at
10.30am in the morning. Both my husband and myself were there when he took
his last breath and for this we feel honoured. I feel so lonely and
everything that's been written on this site I resonate with. I'm also 6
months pregnant and I know that I'm being selfish, but my unborn won't get
to know either of its grandparents and they won't be there to share in my
special day, and this fills me with a sadness that I cannot describe. This notion of being an adult orphan is something that just isn't spoken
about and I'm looking for resources that help me to look to move on.
Thankyou so much for looking into this issue and providing the much
needed support that many of us need.
Nov 24, 2008 5:24 PM
Guest :
Lost my Mom in 1989, only Brother in 2002 and Dad in 2006 ... I am the only
one left and often feel alone, especially this time of year. I have
friends, but they have their own families and don't invite me in, I can't
stand these 2 months of the year~~
Dec 9, 2008 7:15 PM
Guest :
Nice to know I am not alone :) Lost my dad in 1997 and mom in 2001. Thank you for this article - not a day goes by that I feel any more
"over" the loss than on the days that they passed away. This sounds crazy but I wish I could be adopted -I don't know by who but
I do!...and I am 30! Anyway, thank you for the insightful article.
Dec 12, 2008 5:34 AM
Guest :
I lost my father when I was ten and as a result lost most ties with my
father's side of the family, so when both my maternal grandparents and my
mother all died wtihin a year of each other in 2004 (when I was 32), I felt
so lost. I still do...like I have been abandoned. Similar to the person who
commented earlier, I think about all the young kids in the world who lose
both parents so early in life and manage to move on and how dare I be so
upset? Then I feel guilty for grieving. I also find myself upset over the
most ridiculous things...Where did my great grandfather go to school or how
am I related to so and so? I did not ask all the questions in time and now
everyone who ever knew the answers is dead. Losing your parents is
something we all face I guess, but it is such a lonely feeling. Thank you
for the article...makes me feel less alone.
Dec 14, 2008 3:51 PM
Guest :
My mom died in '83 and my dad died this summer. To top that off, my
stepmother wants nothing to do with my sister and I any more. It's like I
lost a second mom....
Dec 14, 2008 8:38 PM
Guest :
i lost my dad in jan o5 to heart disease age 48 and just lost my mom sept
08 to pancerotic caner age 53 and i am an only child i still have a wife
but it is still hard day to day
Dec 19, 2008 10:24 PM
Guest :
I am almost 20. I lost my father even before I was born and my mother two
months ago almost. She was only 51. I feel so alienaed and abandoned too.
My mom's siser tries to help me but I feel she has her own family and don't
want her pity anymore. I just dont know what to do. I stopped going to
college and lost mysemester and now they say I can'tt go back for the 2nd
one. I feel like I am having a lot of bad luck and my aunt isn't really
helping me to get my life back on track.... she just seems to be satysfying
her own needs, even while staying with me for the reasoon of helping me. I
mean she goes out, invites people, and doesn't really Trust me , not that I
truly trust myself now. , thannx, bye.
Dec 29, 2008 4:12 PM
Guest :
Hi - its good to read all these words, i am 38 and have no children, I lost
my father aged 12 and my mum very suddenly in May 2007 and I feel utterly
lost and alone at times, all the connections and friendships I have seem to
have lost their meaning and I feel I dont really belong except with my own
experience, which seems so different from everyone elses! Its good to be
reminded that I am not alone with these circumstances - my partner lost his
mother 4 yrs ago and his father 10 years before that - i feel like we are
drifting around in life, neither supporting each other in a new direction
or helping each other begin to create a new life after loss - its hard and
ironic as I am sure we could do this together. Thanks for the opportunity
to express somethings.
Dec 29, 2008 4:50 PM
Guest :
Hi - its good to read all these words, i am 38 and have no children, I lost
my father aged 12 and my mum very suddenly in May 2007 and I feel utterly
lost and alone at times, all the connections and friendships I have seem to
have lost their meaning and I feel I dont really belong except with my own
experience, which seems so different from everyone elses! Its good to be
reminded that I am not alone with these circumstances - my partner lost his
mother 4 yrs ago and his father 10 years before that - i feel like we are
drifting around in life, neither supporting each other in a new direction
or helping each other begin to create a new life after loss - its hard and
ironic as I am sure we could do this together. Thanks for the opportunity
to express somethings.
Jan 9, 2009 10:03 PM
Guest :
I just lost my mom Oct 23, 2008 and them my dad Nov. 23,2008, actually one
month apart from one another. And, yes I do feel utterly alone. I have no
wife, no children, no one. My mother was my best friend and my dad was my
hero.
Jan 10, 2009 7:46 PM
Guest :
I lost my Dad in 1987, and I was 7 years old. My mom died Jan.08, and I was
28 years old. I feel so alone..everyone I know has one if not both of their
parents..and some of my friends are in their 40's! It's NOT fair!!!!!!!!
Jan 11, 2009 6:01 PM
Guest :
Man I feel y'all
I am 45 and most of my 30-50something friends
still had parents.
I pray my brothers will answer the phone more
and I willl find a girlfriend
Dave
Jan 13, 2009 5:56 PM
Guest :
Hi. I lost my mom when I was 5 years old and then my dad passed when I was
16. I am now 36 years old and although I don't still cry the same tears or
feel the same pain, there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about
my father or make mention of him. He was everything to me and my whole
world fell apart when he passed. I am truly grateful for my father's love
and guidance because without it, I would be a wreck. Somehow I managed to
graduate from high school; graduate from the four-year college of my choice
(in 4 years); work; take care of myself; and stay out of trouble. Of course
I made some mistakes along the way--the same ones most of us have made. It was not easy--there were a lot of dark days and dark nights and I
missed out on a lot of social activities that teens and young adults enjoy.
I still have some issues (shyness) because I grew up on my own, but all in
all life is good. There is a lot more that I could write, but I
won't--I just needed to share a bit. My heart goes out to children who
are parentless; children who do not know their parents; and children who
did not have a loving parent for any number of years. My father always used
to say that "the worst always happens for the best." When he
passed, those words were hard to remember, but in some strange way I think
he was right--he would be proud of me. All of you: be strong and
remember the good things your parents gave you!
Jan 22, 2009 7:10 PM
Guest :
I lost my mother Oct. 23, 2008 and my dad a month later Nov. 23, 2009
Jan 24, 2009 11:44 AM
Guest :
I lost my Mom when I was 8yrs in 1973 and my Dad in 1995 when I was 31.
After my Mom passed, it must have been a mental protective mechanism -
because I blocked alot of the memories out. My Dad's passing was harder,
probably because I was older and in the medical field and knew what was
going on. It is very hard after the 2nd parent goes - you feel like you
have lost your last anchor in the world and really re-think of what you
would have liked to do different. But, I am comfortable in knowing that the
Love they had for me was not left behind - they took it with them. I just
feel so blessed to have had them in my life for the time I did, and I am a
richer man for it. Just live your life as they had tought you to, live your
life for you and remember them - this honor I am sure is what any parent
would want.
Jan 25, 2009 8:48 PM
Guest :
I loss my mom to a cardiac arrest due to congestive heart failure, and my
father isn't doing too well. This article is soooo true to the point. I
have a fiance and still I feel very alone in this world.
Jan 25, 2009 10:26 PM
Guest :
My parents are still alive but after their divorce, they have been so
distant that it is as if I don't have parents. My mom is also mentally ill
and not able to provide support, encouragement, or guidance. I feel alone
in the world and also I try to do some parenting of my younger sister and
brother. I am 29 years old, and this is a time when I am struggling with
decisions about career and trying to find a husband (I am single, person I
was in a long relationship with broke up with me) and often I wish I had
some trusted adults to provide me some guidance. It seems there is so much
to figure out from scratch - even the tasks of adult daily living - and
nobody is there to help with it. It's a shame because my parents are alive,
just unable to help. My dad is caught up with his new girlfriend and my mom
is emotionally incapable. I have tried to go to them many times but left
feeling disappointed and like it had not been worthwhile to try. Now I
spend a bunch of time reading advice columns online and books about
"how to live" to try to get some guidance. I think it would be
helpful to find a mentor or something, but for some reason that has not
materialized and I am not sure how I could build trust with a person I am
just meeting now. Anyway, I just thought I'd write all this down.
Feb 5, 2009 3:03 PM
Guest :
Hi-i guess i'm a lot younger than most of these people. i'm nineteen years
old and i lost my daddy when i was 14 and my mom about a year ago. on top
of that my little sister went to england to study in a boarding school.
life is so out of control and i can't even explain the feelings of
lonelyness, loss, pain, and just all around depression. i'm left here all
alone and it's so hard when all my friends have paretns to call and rely
on! i just want a hug and i want them to tell me everything will be ok. i
don't understand why these things happen to good young people! butttt
i know that everything will be ok in the end! they are looking after all of
us all the time. I am so much stronger because of everything that is
happening in my life and even though it sucks i'm so thankfull for the
stronge person i have become RIP MM and PC
Feb 11, 2009 10:47 AM
Beverly Hill :
Nathan Leonard, if you read this message please email me again at pnerissa
at hotmail dot com. There was a problem with the email system when you
emailed me earlier today.
Thanks,
Beverly
Feb 12, 2009 8:58 PM
Guest :
My Dad died in Dec 1977 a week before Christmas and my Mom died in Janauary
2007 after a lenghty illness. I missed my Dad for several years and still
do to this day, but losing my Mom has caused me so much grief. Although I
know there is nothing I could do about her illness I still feel guilty that
I couldn't do more, I had a 4 year old at the time to raise also. There
are so many days I just want to hear her voice. I also just lost my
grandmother who was like my second Mom on Jan 20,2009. I feel very lost at
times as none of my friends have lost a parent including my husband. Many
times I feel jealous of all of them still having parents and in some cases
stepparents as well. I want to tell them all how I feel but don't want to
alienate them so most of the time I cry in private. I know it makes them
feel ackward. Thank you for the article. At least I know I am not
alone.
Feb 17, 2009 11:30 AM
Guest :
i am 28 years old, lost my dad 5 years ago. lost my mom 13 days ago. i am
an only child.
Feb 26, 2009 4:02 AM
Guest :
My mom passed away in 1985 at the age of 50 from cancer and my dad passed
away six days ago at the age of 75 from complications with Alzheimer's.
They are buried side by side. He was never the same after my mom died and
went down hill. I am comforted by the thoughts of them being reunited and
watching over my sister and I. They are proud of us. I still feel sad, but
I guess I will take each day one at a time.
Mar 10, 2009 9:57 PM
Guest :
I lost my dad in 1989 and now my mom February8, 2009. I thought I wouldn't
be able to get over my dad's passing, but losing my mom is unbearable. I
just can't seem to function. I'm back to work, and feel as though I am
losing my mind. I miss her so terribly.
Mar 26, 2009 11:55 AM
Guest :
Thanks for the article. I was looking around for someone to commiserate
with and found this site. My mom died when I was 9 in 1977 and my fabulous
loving caring dad died three weeks ago. As a single gay man I feel so
incredibly alone. I called my brother four times before he returned the
call and when I asked him why it took him so long he said that he has a
family to look after and he was too busy. Wow, did that not help the alone
thing. I am sure I will move on in time, but what my life will look like
without him I don't know. Right now I am having a hard time caring about
anything I cared about before he died and I am very depressed. Most of my
friends and my boss don't seem to get it or care that I am still very much
trying to deal with this loss - I guess the economic crisis trumps it all.
Anyway. Thanks
Mar 27, 2009 9:21 AM
Guest :
Lost my mother in 1991 & my dad in 1996. I was an only child and my
mom's side had no other kids and her sibs are all gone. Have two cousins on
dad's side but we haven't spoken since 1970 or so because they disapprove
of me (or at least what I was in 1969 - a hippie, even though I've changed
they still hold the same opinion of me and refuse to speak, even when my
dad, their uncle, died almost thirty years later.) I am not married
and have no kids. I am 58. I have a half-sis from my dad. We were not
raised togther and did not meet until 2005. I can't get even an email from
her because she seems to be too busy to connect even on holidays. Haven't
heard from her since last summer when she wrote me a shouting, all caps
email explaining how she was just too busy to write. So much for
family. My friends are either mostly out of town or too busy or too
wrapped up with their own families to hang about with me. I work, have
a housemate, a cat and have hobbies and am a member of a photography club,
so I am not just sitting around wallowing in my aloneness. But the
holidays surely can be peculiar and with all the emphasis on 'family' and
its importance in our society, I certainly feel left out and forgotten
about. What to do? MEL
Apr 18, 2009 8:56 PM
Guest :
I lost both parents late 2008 within a few weeks of eachother. Thank you
for the article.
Apr 21, 2009 5:12 PM
Guest :
Dave In Hollywood
When I am sick like today and really need to
stay home and heal it is the worst !
Apr 26, 2009 6:43 AM
Guest :
Hello,I'm looking for anything to help me under stan what my husband is
going through. On 2/14/04 he lost his mom 51(only parent/only child),
he's the only child and was 21 at the time. What made it all worse was the
fact that are first child was due 2 months later. He has no other
family and what family he did have. Have slowly all passed away over the
passed 4 years. I love him so much I wish I knew how to be more supportive.
Sorry for all your loses! ACK
May 22, 2009 2:25 PM
Guest :
i'm 27 years old, lost my father when i was 4 years old and my lovely
mother like 5 days ago, there is nothing more terrible and i feel totally
lost.
May 27, 2009 10:56 AM
Guest :
I am 30 years old and lost my mum to cancer when I was 16 and my dad to
cancer 2 months ago.Although I have a sister and partner, the loss I feel
is just awful.I can't concentrate on anything, I feel so bitter and
robbed.I have the most horrendous memories of the last few days of both
their lives. I can't sleep and I am now consumed by the fear of becoming
ill myself. I don't know anyone else that has lost both parents.There is
just a massive gap that can never be filled. I just wish my friends could
really understand how it feels.
Jun 15, 2009 9:51 PM
Guest :
I am 18 years old. My mother died when I was ten. She was gravely ill most
of my life. My dad died on New Years Eve of 2008. I was 17 at the time. My
father was diagnosed with brain cancer in May of 2008. At that time I moved
in with a family from my church. The family had thee children of their
own-- an eight year old son, a five year old daughter and a ten month old
son. I have been with them for over a year now and they say I am a daughter
to them. However, I don't receive nearly as much parental love as the other
three children. I feel selfish, but I crave parental love and attention
more than anything right now. I want to be showed that I belong there and
not just told that I do. I miss being able to crawl up in my dads arms and
fall asleep. I miss just knowing that I was the most important person in
the world to him. I hate feeling second best to their other kids. I want to
belong. I want to be able to crawl into their arms and fall asleep and do
all the other lttle things I did with my dad that I took for granted. I
will be leaving in two months to start college in a town that is four hours
away from home. I am so worried that I won't have a real home to come back
to. I know the new family loves me, but I feel like I can't belong because
I'm not theirs. It's been really really tough to deal with. I would give
anything to be hugged and kissed on the cheek and tucked in at night. I
miss those days so much more than I ever dreamed I could. I fear going off
to college and this new family being glad that I am gone. I am afraid that
I am getting way more attatched to them than they are to me.
Jun 16, 2009 2:12 PM
Guest :
My dad died before I was born, so my mum was all I had. I relied on her for
both parents, she developed cancer and died around 4 weeks ago. I miss her
every day, all the little things that I used to take for granted and you
dont really think about at the time make me sad now. I just want to be able
to get a hug from her one more time, or talk to her again, phone and have
all the little chats that we used to about whats happening in our lives. Im
only 22, just finished uni, im too young to be on my own. I need my mum
there for me.
Jul 10, 2009 1:11 PM
Guest :
I lost my mom and grandmother (my second mom) in '03, my unlce(my mom's
brother) in '04 and then my dad in '07. My dad never really recovered from
losing my mom and the years before his death his health declined rapidly.
It was an extrenmley stressful time. After my mom died, I sank into a deep
depression. Maybe if I was married and had a family of my own it would be
easier, I don't know. I am not depressed anymore but I still just feel very
alone and fragmented.
I found myself grieving not only over the
loss of my mother but the loss of my dreams of how I thought my future
would be. When my dad died it didn't seem as overwhelming. Certainly not
easy but I guess I dealt with most of the other issues. Yet as I say that I
also know that I wasn't myself for a long time.. It hasn't been until this
year, 2009 that I have started to socialize with friends again and try and
set goals for the future. Maybe things will work out ok.
Jul 12, 2009 7:36 PM
Guest :
I lost my mom on July 18, 2007 and my dad on December 2, 2007. As I near
the second anniversary of my mom's passing I find myself missing her like
it was new again. I know that in a few months I'll be mourning the second
anniversary of my Dad's passing as well. I'm thankful to have come across
this forum because I feel just a little less alone. I'm 39 years old,
single, with no children. My parents were all that I had. I do have a
brother that is 25 years older than I but he lives three hours away, and
has his own children and grandchildren. I understand the losses here
and feel for all of you. Its nice to know that someone understands what I
have been through and what life is like for an adult orphan. MMA
Aug 14, 2009 8:55 AM
Guest :
I lost my dad in June 2007 and then my mom in November 2008 and there is
only myself and my sister, we have our kids but no other family, our dad
passed away suddenly but our mom passed after an agonizing bout with breast
cancer which spread to her spine and broke it, so she was paralyzed for the
last year of her life, then we just watched her slowly suffer and fade
away, it was horrible to watch her die like that, just hoping it would end,
but i'm happy she's in a better place but i'm still sad all the time, we
used to talk every day and now I can't pick up the phone and ask for her
advice when i need it, thanks for the advice on moving on
Aug 16, 2009 4:32 PM
Guest :
My grief is much like many of the postings that I have read. I also have
lost both parents by age 39 and feel alone in this world. Dad passed away
suddenly in 2004 and Mom passed suddenly in April (2009). I am, however,
grateful for my 22 yr old son, one living brother and husband. I try not to
burden my son much because he is young and has a hard time of his own
dealing with the many losses of our loved ones. My brother doesn't care
about much except hanging out with his friends year in and year out. And my
husband has both living parents and siblings. It is impossible for him to
understand how I feel. Some one mentioned wishing they could be adopted in
their post. One of my mother's friends wanted to take my son and I in but I
pulled away. I don't know her and it felt like I was being rushed. We had
not even had her funeral services yet. Well, it's almost September now and
I'm still not ready. I will never call anyone else mom or dad for that
matter. My mother-in-law is the best but she is not my mother. Mom and I
were inseparable! Even in her death we are still connected. ****ATLANTA,
GA
Aug 29, 2009 4:24 PM
Guest :
My father was killed in an accident in July 09. My Mother died 6 days
later. we buried them together. I'm the youngest of 6. I'd be beyond lost
without them.
Sep 8, 2009 3:13 PM
Guest :
I lost both of my parents in September 2005, they died 8 days apart. I was
38. I'm a single mum with 2 kids. My only family is one brother but we
are not as close as I would like us to be, we only see each other 2 or 3
times a year. I have tears rolling down my face reading all these
comments. I feel for every single one of you. No-one else fully
understands just how hard being an adult orphan is. I am just so grateful
for my children but feel so guilty that I cannot give them the proper
family they so deserve. Especially at xmas and other "family
times", I feel like I've failed them somehow. Four years on I keep
hoping the pain will go but I think it never will, you just find ways to
temporarily block it out. Thanks to everyone who posted a comment, for
making me feel less alone. Lynn
Sep 9, 2009 5:41 AM
Guest :
Re-read all the comments here...Wow ! Even friends who have lost both
parents don't seem as heavily impacted as me..I wanna talk about this every
day but friends--even my brothers seem to be worn out by the subject.
And those who haven't had the the loss are like children,
I am 40's, single, have almost given up on finding a mate so the
lonelyness is unreal.
I
Sep 26, 2009 3:26 PM
Guest :
Both of my parents passed away by the time I was 17. My dad died when I was
8 and my mother did when I was a junior in high school. Growing up without
them has brought on feelings of sever loneliness even with the support of
my four older sisters, their families, and my husband. My husband never got
to meet either one of them, but has always been there for me. Now close to
9 years of being an "orphan", I have realized that I never took
the time to read about this particular situation. That I've held my head up
high, always smiling, but constantly wondering what it would have been like
to see my parents in my college graduation, wedding, or just being able to
call them on the phone. New and old friends never know how to talk about my
family. It's a very awkward moment, but one I have learned to deal with. In
some ways, I think that for my sisters it was a harder reality as they had
more memories of them, more reasons to think about the past. But on the
other hand, I have so many unanswered questions that it makes me upset at
my reality. I have found that by talking about my parents with my family
and the few friends that are brave enough to listen, that many of these
feelings are toned down.
Sep 27, 2009 4:44 PM
Guest :
my mom passed away in 1993 when i was 9...she had a brain aneursym..my dad
passed away last month from an aortic aneursym
Sep 29, 2009 8:27 AM
Guest :
I lost my dad in 02 at age 26. In March 2006 my mom died and my only
brother died 2 months later. I am married with 2 kids, but sometimes I
feel so lost and alone.
Oct 6, 2009 4:51 AM
Guest :
My boyfriend lost both of his parents. His mom died ten years old and his
dad died 6 months. He recently left our hometown to get away and now he is
pushing me away. I refuse to leave his side. How do I help him without
being pushy? How often should I contact him and not contact him? Help me I
really want to help him get through this.
Oct 14, 2009 10:25 PM
Guest :
I lost my mom and dad when I was in high school, 16 years old. My mom died
in November 98 and dad in December 98. I felt as if the world had ended..It
feels awful to graduate from high school and not having them with you for
all those special occasions in life..having a boyfriend..going off to
college..Graduating from college..getting married.Specially in the
holidays, not having a family of your own, nobody to visit on the weekends.
And worst of all its been five years since my husband and I have been
trying to have kids and no luck..I feel that I will be alone forever..I
will never have a family again. I am miserable sometimes.
Oct 29, 2009 1:10 AM
Guest :
my parents were driving from LA to Santa Cruz,CA for my master's degree
graduation June 12th 2009. They got into a car accident and my mom died at
the scene. I rushed to the hospital and stayed with my dad who was in a
coma for 3 weeks and he died July 4th. I was 23 and just turned 24 on June
27th in the hospital. My world seems to be torn down and gone to hell. I
know it's naive but I sometimes just wish to have one more day with
them.... -kelly
Oct 31, 2009 11:42 AM
Guest :
Thank you to everyone who has posted their comments - reading all your
posts has made me feel less alone. I lost Dad almost a year ago now
(13.11.2008) and Mum less than 6 months later (30.04.2009). Mum was
terminally ill when Dad died of Leukaemia and so after Dad died she moved
in with myself and my husband so I could care for her during her final
months. I don't feel I grieved properly for my Dad at the time as I needed
to fight and be 'strong' for Mum. Mum was everything to me - my best
friend, the sister I never had, my whole world, and I now feel so alone. I
feel that six months after she died I should be functionning normally
again, but I feel so alone without her. I have no siblings and really am
the only link in the family left. I can't face sorting through my
parents' house and there is no-one else to do it, so I know I will have to
do it eventually. Hugs to everyone here - I hope you all find the
strength to cope with life as an adult orphan.
