When both parents pass away, who do you turn to for comfort and support? How do you move on? Read part one in a series about coping as an Adult Orphan.
Having one’s parents live to a ripe old age before taking that final journey is what everyone hopes for, but in many cases a parent will pass on before their child. Occasionally, both parents will pass. If the child is young, they are usually raised by relatives. But what happens to adult orphans?
For a lot of adult orphans, they still have a spouse, siblings, or children to help them through the long, difficult process. But for others who don’t have that support system in place, it can be much harder.
Most people who experience a loss are met with condolences and awkward conversations. Not everyone is going to be able to relate to the loss of both parents. These people are trying to reach out in the only way they know how. Try to accept their sympathy in the spirit that it is intended.
In the case of someone who’s lost both parents, the pain can feel almost unbearable. First, there may be the realization of being completely and utterly alone in the world, even if there is a spouse or other relations in the picture. The world suddenly becomes much larger.
It’s not uncommon for this feeling to be accompanied by fear and anxiety. Before, there were parents to protect you and give you advice. They were there to praise your accomplishments and help you through failures. You may not have always agreed with their decisions, but you knew they were always there for you.
And then they weren’t.
How Do You Go on?
How do you pick yourself up each day and carry on, when even the simple act of getting dressed seems like too much to bear? How do you combat the gnawing feeling of emptiness? How do you manage the grief?
Realize that the grieving process is different for each person. There’s no predetermined length of time to start feeling like yourself again. It’s okay to be sad, angry, scared, or even numb. Don’t chastise yourself if something trivial causes you to burst into tears. This is your grief and no one else’s.
It is not uncommon for the adult orphan to experience feelings of guilt or resentment. Try to look at it realistically. Illness and accidents can happen at any time in our lives. It’s unfortunate, but dwelling on it will not change the outcome.
Get back into your routine as soon as you are able. The familiarity of a regular routine such as work or school can help to occupy your mind. Socialization will also reinforce the fact that, although it may feel like it, you are not alone in the world.
Surviving the Holidays
The holidays can be the most traumatic part of the year for an orphan. If may feel as if you’re on the outside looking in at the happy, celebrating families. You’re reminded of past holidays spent with your own parents. Time to get back to basics: One step at a time.
Usually you’ll be invited to spend the holidays with friends or other family members. They are not inviting you out of pity, but because they honestly want to include you in their family. Embrace it. These are the first steps to building a support network.
Build your Support Network
Having people who support and care about you is very important. Strengthen ties with friends and family. Join a support group for the loss of a parent. Connect with people who are going through the same thing. Let them help you through the low spots. You are not alone.
