Embrace rather than Overcome Fear
Is what you're afraid of trying to tell you something you NEED to know?
May 17, 2006
Can fear be my friend? The idea seems unlikely to me at first glance, but my intuition tells me to keep writing with this theme. I've lived in and with fear for many years and finally realized that fear was limiting my personal growth. At one point I stood in front of over 100 people at a retreat and declared I was giving up fear; I was tired of living my life in fear. From that point on I've viewed fear as something to overcome, something to get past. But what if fear was actually my friend, and what if I embraced fear as I would a good friend?
Webster's Collegiate Dictionary defines a friend as a favored companion, one attached to another by affection or esteem. Hmmm, that doesn't sound anything like the fear I've known for so long, but I'll keep going. What are some characteristics of a friend?
A good friend:
- Is always around
- Is someone I know very well
- Is always on my side
- Is someone I trust
- Will listen but not judge
- Keeps me out of trouble
- Gives advice, but won't stand in my way
- Is someone I want around
Fear does fit some of these characteristics. Fear has certainly been around for many years. And I do know fear very well. Is it always on my side? I didn't think so, but maybe my friend fear is just trying to keep me safe.
Can I trust fear? Well, I can trust fear to be around whenever I explore some new aspect of my life; whenever I mull over a new area for growth and/or adventure, I'm sure to find fear immediately by my side.
Can I depend on fear to give me advice that keeps me out of trouble? I can depend on fear to bring up the risks of change, i.e. failure, rejection, and humiliation. So yes, I can depend on fear to keep me aware of the downside of any action I'm contemplating.
Does fear listen without judging me? I guess I'm the one judging. My friend fear is not judging, nor is it blocking me. I'm the one taking or avoiding action. I realize I've been using fear as a scapegoat--blaming it for my own decisions. I guess I haven't been a real good friend to fear. Fear doesn't have all the characteristics of friendship I listed, but no one is perfect.
I've been trying to avoid fear, but maybe if I embraced fear for what it offered I could enhance our friendship. Fear does offer to show me the downside of things I'm considering. If I consider the risks, decide if I can live with them, and then go forward toward my dreams with eyes wide open then fear has been helpful to me.
Now that I think of fear in this new way, I realize that fear has often been a good predictor of personal growth. The things I fear, once achieved, have been wonderful growth experiences. Thanks fear, for showing me the path of personal development.
