When you refuse to forgive someone, who you’re really damaging the most is yourself. The slight can become magnified to such an extent that it interferes with functioning in future human interactions.
Holding onto grudges affects your present attitude, how you treat people and even your health. When you’re stressed and bitter and tense, you’re more prone to numerous ailments such as ulcers, heart problems, anxiety attacks and even cancer. You’re also much less likely to be able to forgive yourself for past mistakes.
- Refusing to forgive is particularly damaging in a marriage. Unresolved issues that pile up tend to spew out with minor provocations. A simple disagreement can turn into a war of words where one is reminded of everything wrong they did in the last ten or twenty years.
- As a parent it’s also important to set an example of how past hurts are dealt with. When you teach intolerance, inflexibility and encourage the holding of grudges, you increase the chances of your own family being fragmented and the possibility of your children being scattered and sometimes refusing to speak to each other for years.
The first step in forgiving is deciding to do so. If a bitter memory still creeps in, remind yourself “I have forgiven him/her.” Writing it down or saying it out loud helps reinforce this decision. Eventually the pain will subside which will enable you to focus on the present with a more positive attitude.
It will begin to show by reflecting in your facial expressions, your health and in the gentler peaceful way that you treat yourself and others. You become more patient with yourself which helps you become more tenacious because you won’t be as afraid to make mistakes and less likely to procrastinate.
When you are finally able to let go of past hurts, it is extremely freeing and empowering because you are no longer allowing them to control your present relationships. Telling the other person you’ve forgiven them is not always possible, necessary or even advisable in some situations. By deciding to forgive others you’ve given yourself, your friends and your family a precious gift of peace.
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