How to Take Responsibility for Happiness
Learn to Be Happy Now; Know How to Be Happier
The quest for happiness is universal. Aristotle summed this up best when he said, "Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human experience." With the exception of survival, happiness is the goal behind every human activity. Whether seeking fame, fortune, power, or love, humans are actually seeking the happiness they expect will result.
What is Happiness?
Happiness is defined by positive psychologist Tal Ben-Shahar as "the overall experience of pleasure and meaning." That is, a person experiences the feeling of being happy when finding pleasure in a meaningful activity. (Happier: Learn the Secrets to Daily Joy and Lasting Fulfillment, Tal Ben-Shahar, McGraw Hill, 2007)
Though a person seldom asks who is responsible for her happiness, many behave as if the key is outside themselves, seeking happiness through relationships and possessions.
Happiness is a Personal Responsibility
Reflection on the definition of happiness suggests that it is a personal experience, therefore also a personal responsibility. Though relationships with others are pleasurable, one cannot attribute personal happiness to another person. Instead, the person seeking happiness must realize a relationship brings pleasure because of the way the experience is interpreted, which makes it a personal responsibility.
Happiness Myths
Marci Shimoff, best selling author of several Chicken Soup for the Soul books speaks of two myths, the myths of more and when. The more myth takes the form of thoughts such as "I would be happy if I had more money (love, time, freedom, etc.)." The when myth is a corollary, such as, "I'll be happy when I get the promotion (get married, find a better job, lose twenty pounds, etc.)."
These myths are prevalent in our culture, fueled by advertising images of happy people getting more things. Like all myths, these harbor a kernel of truth. It does feel good to get something new or to reach some desired goal.
Money and Happiness
The more myth is often focused on a desire for more money. Yet research studies corroborate the saying that "money does not bring happiness." Martin Seligman, Ph.D. (Authentic Happiness, Free Press, 2002) reports that "Rich people are, on average, only slightly happier than poor people."
Though by most measures the standard of living in the United States is at an all time high, the rate of depression is also at an all time high. Disturbingly, the age of depression onset is decreasing and the rate of suicide is increasing. (International Positive Psychology Leaders Series, Martin E.P. Seligman, Ph.D. May 16, 2008)
Happiness from the Future
The happy feelings associated with getting things are fleeting. They don't have staying power. Those who seek gratification from acquisitions and personal achievements find themselves on a constant treadmill, seeking the next burst of good feelings through acquisition or accomplishment.
Happiness in the Present
If one's happiness depends on a future event, he or she will always be seeking something, fulfilling the more and when myths. Recognizing the future is uncertain, the person seeking to be happier is best served by taking responsibility to be happy in the present. Approach this by structuring daily events to include meaningful and pleasurable content.
For more information about being happier read Cheer Up Feel Good and Live Longer and Pursuit of Happiness Success.
How to Be Happy
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