Listen to People When They Speak
Learn to Hear What Others Are Really Saying
The greatest people in history are people who leave an indelible impression on other people’s lives. More than the choices that they make or the heroic deeds that they start and finish, it is the way that they listen, actually see and hear another person. Great people value the thoughts of others; that is why they listen.
Pastors, spiritual leaders, business owners, entertainers, parents and spouses who achieve remarkable results listen. Oprah Winfrey does it. Reverend James G. Evans III does it. Mother Theresa was excellent at it. They focus their attention and engage the art of active listening. That is the reason that they hear what people are saying.
Love is a Key Element in the Art of Listening
Everyone can become an expert listener because the art of listening is an acquired skill. It seems to come naturally to some people and perhaps it does, but it’s a skill that can be learned too.
The key ingredient in the art of listening is love. Simply put, it is hard for a man to listen to someone he does not care about. A woman must have a vested interest in another person before she can completely and fully listen to them. There are no short cuts around this.
The Art of Active Listening
To practice the art of listening, look at the person that is speaking. If the conversation is taking place over the telephone, avoid engaging in other activities and devote one’s full attention to the person on the other end of the telephone line. Hear each word that the other person speaks. Pick up the inflection in the person’s tone. Notice their body language if the conversation is taking place in person.
Allow the person to finish what they are saying, even if they are upset, excited, sad or angry. Avoid offering advice unless the speaker clearly asks for advice. Also steer clear from telling the speaker about a similar situation one has also experienced. It may appear to be a helpful move, but can be received as an attention stealer or as if one, as the listener, has stolen the focus of attention from the speaker to oneself.
Signs of Active Listening
Show that one is actively listening to a speaker by nodding occasionally while the other person is talking. Ask questions to let the other person know one is connected to what they are saying. One can also repeat key statements or concerns that the other person voices. However, limit one’s exposition to one to two sentences in order to keep the focus on the speaker.
If one senses old thoughts or beliefs rising within oneself while listening to a speaker, commit to maintaining an open mind. Many of the thoughts and beliefs that people have are rooted in experiences from their childhood or personal relationships. Since everyone does not have identical experiences or respond to experiences in similar fashion, it is important to listen with an open mind. Otherwise, the temptation to measure and judge what the speaker is saying can cause one to listen to inner judgments more than to the speaker.
Benefits of Being an Active Listener
Actively listening is a great way to earn friends and to improve existing relationships. Listening is a key ingredient in nurturing and loving. It works like medicine. Psychologists are paid thousands of dollars a year to listen. If each person committed to actively and sincerely listen to others, the world might hasten its healing.
By focusing on the speaker, asking sincere questions, nodding and not judging what the speaker is saying, one can become a great listener. The results might reveal themselves in an improved marriage, parent-child relationship, employer-client communications and neighborhood interactions.
The next time someone cares enough to talk with one, care enough to sincerely listen. It is a tremendous art form. Great leaders, effective parents and romantic partners all know it. To truly listen is to love.
Learning to Become a Good Listener
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