Moving House and Positive Life Change
Tips for Achieving Personal Growth When Shifting City or Country
Apr 23, 2009
The very expression "moving away" can stir feelings of anxiety and fear, especially for those who are leaving friends, family and job to go to a different city, state or even a different country.
If the move is the result of another significant life transition, such as divorce or retirement, it can be even harder to focus on what you are actually "moving to."
Here are a few ideas garnered from psychologists and personal development experts.
Respecting the Transition During a Move
The transition is, in fact, a significant time, one to be honored. Life coaches and experts recommend thorough preparation and planning for this "daunting but exhilarating life change."
Logistics such as accommodation and finances are important, but so are more emotional issues, for example "closing out your old life."
On the pragmatic side, any life transition requires some extra self-nurturing. Look after basics including nutrition, exercise, and sleep, and indulge in a few small pleasures that you know will make you feel good (such as watching a favorite but not necessarily worthy programme on television!)
Making Connections When Moving
"Making new friends" can seem too tall an order at first, and if you are not forced into human contact through work or needing to take children to school, isolation in a new city can be a real possibility.
But even smiling or waving at people you see regularly, and interactions at the market or corner store can be a start.
In her book A Cup of Sunlight (Auckland: Random House, 2005), Juliet Batten recommends practising "courteous greeting," considering what needs to happen so that you can "meet a stranger with goodwill."
Over time you will identify people with common interests. A mentor provided a friend moving to a small community with the gift of a chess-board, because the friend would then need to find someone to play with.
Especially where there are cultural or social differences, it is important to respect people who have been in a place for a long time, who may have grown up there. They have knowledge that will be important to you, and they will share it as everyone grows more comfortable.
The Suite101 article The Pursuit of Happiness describes the work of Richard Layard on the implications for happiness of the nature of people as "deeply social beings." Your relationship with your community is fundamental to your personal well-being.
Staying In Touch Following a Move
There is a lot of work associated with a move, and many people have lost skills such as letter-writing and prioritising staying in touch with friends and family. They will want to know what has become of you, and writing or telephoning will make your new experiences more vivid, as you share them.
Be aware that different methods of connecting are different experiences. E-mail is quick and efficient, but one needs to make sure that the content is meaningful. Batten advises choosing carefully how you would like to communicate with each friend, and taking time to personalise the message (for example with images or scent if you choose to send a letter or card).
An Opportunity for Personal Growth
A move is the perfect opportunity to consider a commitment to change unhelpful behaviors and habits. This could seem in the "too hard" basket, but when you are making a major change such as shifting city or country, it may be the perfect time to tackle personal habits or patterns of thought that are holding you back. Your ability to integrate and thrive will depend on changing some attitudes and ways of responding to life anyhow, so you may as well give some thought to how you want to live.
Elizabeth Wilde McCormick in her book Change for the Better (London:Cassell, 1996), an expert in Cognitive Analytic Therapy, describes the key to positive change as "recognising the difference between the old survival self, dominated by faulty thinking, and the real self that needs time, understanding and nourishment."
Whether you are seeking to reduce anxiety or depression, addressing damaging eating or alcohol behaviours, or making any other positive change, you will need a plan, resources and probably some support. Locating these things can be part of your process of "finding people," of integrating into your new community.
Cultivating the Sacred in a New Life
This involves a looking outward, a developing of appreciation and respect, which will allow you to make the most of your new physical and psychic "space." Batten's book is a good guide to developing practices that will allow you to find the sacred "in simple, ordinary acts," such as preparing food or walking to the corner to collect the mail.
In recalling her own life story, Batten describes a series of moves over a series of two years, from a four-bedroom villa in the city, to a small room, and then to an "accessible sanctuary" near native forest.
She notes that "practising bringing in the sacred during times of upheaval is not always easy," but it has its rewards. "The last two years have not been short of external stressors or demanding tasks, yet my contentment and joy increase daily."
With careful preparation and looking after yourself, your "moving experience" can be a truly positive life event .
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