Life Problems
Do you find yourself wishing for a problem-free life? Unfortunately, that's not going to happen. The nature of being alive is that things will happen and we will face circumstances that are not what we want. We call these events problems. We may not be able to have a problem-free life, but we can reduce the anxiety of solving life problems by applying specific problem solving skills.
Three Ways to Deal with Problems
Rather than wishing we didn't have them (we do), or trying to ignore them and hoping they'll go away (they don't), learn to analyze situations in terms of three problem solving choices. These are the only three choices we can make to solve a problem:
- Fully accept the problem situation,
- Work to change it, or
- Separate from it.
These are the only choices we have regardless of the nature of the problem. Whether coping with an annoying co-worker, sharing living space with a sloppy partner, or facing a friend's shocking betrayal, the three fundamental actions--accept, change, or separate--are our choices. Once we choose one of these we've got a head start on solving the problem.
Lack of Control
The nature of a problem's paralyzing hold over us is that it forces us to take action. And taking action requires a decision. Many times, the frustration we feel stems from our inability to identify an attractive choice among the many alternatives. We feel overwhelmed and bewildered because we don't know where to start.
If we begin by placing our problem into one of the three available actions we can take--accept, change, or separate--we reduce the eventual choices we have to make. Now we're back in control and making progress.
Begin to Address a Problem by Asking Three Questions.
- Can I fully accept this situation and be at peace living with it?
- Is there any aspect of the situation within my control to change and am I willing to work for the change?
- Am I willing to separate myself from the situation if the answers to the above are no?
Problem Solving Example- An Annoying Co-Worker
Take the example of an annoying co-worker. In asking yourself the question about acceptance, consider why the behavior annoys you. Does it fundamentally affect your ability to do your job or are you being overly critical?
If, after considering this situation, your response is no, you're not able to be at peace, fully accepting your co-worker's behavior, go on to question two, assessing what you can change.
What aspect, if any, is within your control and willingness to impact? Are you willing to talk with your co-worker? Should you speak with a supervisor? If your considered response is again no, go on to the third question, separating yourself.
Separating yourself from this co-worker may not require that you quit your job. Can you create separation by changing your desk or shifting hours? Are there other jobs within your company that are attractive? Perhaps this situation is the impetus for the move you've been wanting to make. Failing these alternatives, your only remaining choice may be to quit your job.
Being In Control Eases Problem Solving
Regardless of the nature of any problem we face, answering these three questions will bring the peace of mind of being back in control. Placing our problems in one of the three solution areas--acceptance, change, or separation--gives us a head start on a final solution. We may not like the alternatives we're facing, but having control reduces anxiety and points us toward a good decision.
If you liked Problem Solving Skills, you may also like The Values Based Life.
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