People think in pictures, sounds and feelings. Each individual develops a thinking style favoring one sense over the others and relates better to communications in those terms. All people think using all their senses, so it is unwise to categorize too quickly, but over time people tend to think in one sense more than the others.
People Speak in the Same Terms as They Think
People give clues to their thinking style by the language they use. Speakers tend to use terms of seeing, hearing or feeling. The person who says, “I just can’t see it!” is visual. A speaker can get his point across to this person by painting him a word picture, and inviting him to see it a certain way. This person relates to words that create images, as long as it doesn't take too long. Visual thinking is quick. If he says the situation is cloudy, murky, or unclear, he hasn’t gotten the picture or it doesn’t fit into his vision of the world.
A visually oriented person will not respond well to a plea to “Hear me out.” But someone who favors her sense of hearing will be all ears. The auditory person may say, “That doesn’t ring true.” This person casts her eyes to one side when thinking. She’s listening for a clear message. Tone of voice matters; it must be pleasant and confident for the message to sound good. The auditory person says, “I hear you,” when she gets it.
Anyone who wants to “get a feel for the situation” needs solid evidence he can grasp. He may say, “It left a bad taste in my mouth,” or “It stinks,” or use other descriptions that relate to bodily feelings. The feeling person has a gut reaction to what he hears. He needs plenty to time to answer and may seem slow because he often pauses to access feelings about things. It is usually worth waiting for his response, as the feeling person tends to be quite intuitive.
Other Ways to Tell What Sense a Person Favors
Some people use neutral and abstract language that does not evoke the senses. Words like, "I think," "I know," and "It seems like," give no indication of the speaker’s orientation. But there are other clues to which sense a person favors.
The easiest style to pick out is the visual. His eyes dart upward, and sometimes scan back and forth, looking for information as if it’s printed on the ceiling. His breathing is shallow and his responses are quick.
When the auditory person is thinking, she looks the way a person looks when listening to a phone conversation. She speaks and breathes rhythmically and at a moderate pace and casts her eyes from side to side and downward.
The kinesthetic, or feeling person, looks downward to one side, and pauses to feel his feelings. His movements tend to be deliberate. The feeling person tends to look down to the right, but it can be easier to recognize him by his pauses in conversation.
When is it Useful to Identify Another's Thinking Style?
It could be difficult to keep track of all this information and still remember to keep up one’s side of a conversation. Most competent communicators pick up these cues unconsciously and can easily learn to pick out these behaviors. It is not normally necessary to think about these things, but it is helpful when a strong rapport is desired, as in a job interview or sales call.
Sources:
- Brooks, Michael. Instant Rapport. New York, NY: Warner Books 1989.
- Bandler, Richard and MacDonald, Will. An Insider's Guide to Sub-Modalities. Capitola, CA: Meta Publications 1988.
 |
 |
 |
