Even though you may no longer be in an abusive situation, the emotional scars can linger for years. Learn how to shed the negative programming and start healing.
Letting go of the victim mentality can be difficult to shed. For many people, the emotional abuse they've endured has stripped away their self esteem and left emotional scars that linger for years. It's not uncommon for victims to feel responsible or even feel that they deserved the abuse they received.
It’s this type of thinking that allows the negative thoughts to keep their hold on the victim. Learning to face the past so that they can move forward in a more positive direction is key. The victim needs to understand that what happened is not their fault and that no one deserves to be treated badly.
Look at the situation from a different perspective. Would you allow your best friend to be treated in such a manner or to blame themselves? Of course not. You’d try to show them that, like you, they are a person of value and should be treated as such.
Climbing Out of the Darkness
You may not be able to control the thoughts or actions of those around you, but you can control how you respond. Declare to yourself that you are a survivor and then lift yourself to that higher level. No one can keep you down unless you allow them to.
It takes a conscious effort to decide to stop wearing the label of victim, but somewhere inside is a happy, functioning, vibrant person just waiting to break free. It just takes some direction and perseverence.
Follow these tips to start rebuilding your self-esteem and get on the road to recovery:
Talk to a counselor or support group
Avoid negative people and situations
Stop dwelling on the past and look toward the future. Set goals for yourself
When you find yourself focusing on negative thoughts, remind yourself of your positives
Make new, positive friends
Join a group activity and become involved in it
Indulge in humor
Learn to accept compliments
Read a book on building self-esteem and follow the examples
Don’t allow yourself to be labeled
Healing emotional wounds takes time. Each person must progress at their own speed. Keep reminding yourself that other people have made it through and became better people for it. Focus on your positives and leave the negative thought patterns behind.
By letting go of the past programming and becoming a survivor, you are taking control of your own life. Learn to have faith in yourself and your strengths. As long as you continue to focus on rising above, you will achieve your goal.
The copyright of the article Stop Being a Victim & Take Control of Your Life in Personal Development is owned by Beverly Hill. Permission to republish Stop Being a Victim & Take Control of Your Life in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.
Does a victim turn into an abuser of the people that come into their life?
After 10 years of being single, I met a "nice" woman that I felt
was someone that I could be with. I was respectful of her, truly
interested in her and what she had to say After a few months she pulled
away, I learned from her later that she was the victim of sexual / physical
/ emotional abuse at the hands of her uncle and ex-husband. Based on her
comments she moved through what I suspect were a series of bad
relationships, after hr being alone for a while we met. After a while, she
returns to the relationship only to pull away again later this was repeated
multiple times. This last time it was God telling her to distance herself
from me, this was it followed with she felt it was "unhealthy"
for her physically to be in a relationship. Yet with the relationship
over, she doesn't like the idea of me dating other people or getting
involved with someone else or even getting into a web dating program, she
suggested we get married, and said that our first date was perfect,
Christmas was perfect She knew the first month we were together that I was
the perfect man for her then she became afraid.
I work with
this woman and try and avoid her at all costs yet our paths cross. I
ignore try to ignore her, but that is a struggle for me, as I still care
for her... Am I becoming a victim of a victim, if so how do I break the
cycle, what do I do if she returns again?
Dave
Dec 3, 2008 10:48 AM
Guest :
Dave,
I am married to a woman with pretty much the exact same
symptoms and it is treatable but you will have troubles. The condition is
called borderline personality disorder. read about it there is a book
called stop walking on eggshells.
Jan 19, 2009 6:33 PM
Guest :
Dear Dave, yes it can happen..from my own experiences. I will tell of one.
Back in 2002-3, my husband would come home from his military all depressed
adn moody. He would get verbally and emotionally abusive. Whenever his
anger got to be too much, he would go outside. However when our dogs were
involved, he would lash out on them. I would stand between him and them,
take most of it on myself and try to reason or calm him down. I was
already under alot of strain from hostile work issues, this only added to
it. It was alot of pressure on me. One day, when he was gone, he hadn't
gotten home yet and the dogs had chewed a hole in one of the pillows. The
thought of what he'd do when he found out was too much..I took the dog
outsdie adn for teh first time, I unleashed all the pent up stress, yelling
and whopping with a belt. It only took me a few minutes to realize what
was going on and that I was turning into an abuser myselfs.
Mar 12, 2009 7:21 AM
Guest :
I am trying to break out of my own cycle of victimhood. I was raised by a
victim mother and an alcoholic abusive father. Now I am in the middle of a
nightmare divorce with a man who is a narcissist and a liar, but it took me
years to figure this out about him. Early in the relationship, I protested
some of my husband's behavior, but gradually I became brainwashed into
believing that there was nothing wrong with him and that I was a damaged
mess. I was susceptible because of my victim past. Now I have been a
victim many times over AND I AM TIRED OF IT. I am on this site because I am
trying to break out of the cycle of being a victim and I find that the
people around me in my life are either victims or abusers. Truly I am
alone..although amazingly my teen aged daughter is not a victim because I
am not raising her to be this way. But I could sure use some support and I
do not want to lean on my daughter. She needs me right now to help her find
her way. As to the previous poster, Dave, he is absolutely right that
victims are dangerous folks to be in relationships with if they are
addicted to their victimhood and think that the world now owes them a debt.
I have some people in my life like this. Frankly, I'd like to help them,
but they have no real intention to change their lives. They will take no
real steps to leave the abusive husband or to bury the voice of a dead
abusive parent. I am here on this website because I find myself VERY
alone. I am looking for some kind of community. I have courageously cut
ties with abusers in my life and I have a few friends who are victims. But
that's it. I go to church and I am trying very hard, but I am lonely and
would like to have community with someone other than my therapist.
