Emotional stress caused by a values conflict can be debilitating. This article describes the values conflict situation and offers a solution to reduce stress.
You're stressed-out. Overwhelmed. Caught between a rock and a hard place. In a no-win situation.
If these phrases describe you then you're likely under emotional stress caused by values conflicts. Emotional stress is a potentially debilitating situation caused by emotional stressors.
If this is a short term condition you're probably feeling highly energized, mentally alert and active--perhaps hyperactive. Your body is primed to do something to solve the stressful situation, similar to the fight or flight reaction you might experience upon confronting a threatening physical situation.
The physical changes of increased heart rate, increased blood pressure, adrenaline surges, and mental acuity are helpful to us in dealing with short term stressful situations. These changes mobilize us for action. But long term exposure to emotionally stressful situations are harmful to your health. Studies of caregivers who are under emotional stress for long periods indicate they age faster than others in their age group, as much as ten years faster.
Much information is available about coping with stress using meditation, deep breathing, relaxation, and exercise. These will help you through short term emotional as well as physical stress. But for long term correction or reduction of emotional stress you'll need to solve the values-conflict puzzle.
This puzzle is one in which you're caught in a situation where every solution seems like a poor choice.
For example, I value meeting commitments--keeping my word. This is a deeply held, powerful value I hold. I'm proud that people can count on me. Therefore, if I find myself in a situation where I may miss a commitment I've made I feel a significant level of stress.
My body mobilizes to give me the additional energy and mentality to catch up and meet the commitment. But if that isn't enough to bring me back on schedule, then I start mentally running through my options: miss the commitment, confess my situation, deliver part of the commitment on time, fake an illness or other excuse, find a loophole in the agreement, or a combination of these.
The trouble is, these options just violate other values of honesty, quality, and fairness. I'm in a values conflict situation and I'm feeling a very high level of stress. But there is a solution.
- The solution is first to realize that this is a conflict among values. That recognition may relieve the stress somewhat because it implies a solution is possible.
- Enumerate the values involved. In my example these are keeping my word, honesty, and high quality work.
- Next identify which of the values is of greater importance. At first glance they may seem equally important, but that may not be the case. For me, honesty is the greater value.
- Now craft a solution built around honoring the value of most importance. If possible, create a solution that includes as many of the other involved values as possible.
- Just going this far will reduce most or all of the emotional stress you feel. It's not a perfect solution, but it is a satisfying solution in that you can recognize that you've honored important values.
- Finally, learn from the situation. What will you do differently next time to avoid getting caught in a values conflict?
If you've ever been caught in a values confict at home or work, you'll recognize how difficult and stressful a situation this is. I hope the solution I suggest is helpful and urge you to share your questions, comments, and experiences with values conflicts. Send your stories to Personal Development
Related Articles:
Kindness = Mental/Physical Health
Topical Index of all Personal Development Articles
| Here's the follow-up discussion on this article: | View all related messages |
For a complete listing of article comments, questions, and other discussions related to Jerry Lopper's Personal Development topic, please visit the Discussions page.