Whether to Forgive and Forget or Appease,
Forgiveness Can Heal, Appeasement Can Harm, Forget and Forgive
Jun 9, 2009
To forgive and forget is a personal decision that often depends on whether someone can overcome the hurt of an injustice or wrong-doing. If the perpetrator has known the rules, has transgressed, and is aware of the hurt it will cause, it certainly causes a dilemma. But bearing a grudge for a long period is destructive, while forgiveness can lead to peace of mind.
Appeasement Can Harm
History is littered with examples of appeasement. In many cases, turning one's back on problems is disastrous and only leads to further transgressions. Somewhere a line has to be drawn, and that line must not be crossed. It is up to the individual to know how far they can be pushed, but before the line is drawn clear rules have to be announced.
In cases where the rules have been clearly defined and everyone has known the consequences, but still the rules have been broken, then perhaps it is time to say enough is enough. But sometimes there were no clearly defined rules and maybe forgiveness and another chance might be best for both parties. If that is the case don’t let pride or guilt get in the way of being able to forgive and forget.
Guilt and Pride
Two of the reasons people find it difficult to forgive and forget are pride and guilt. Guilt, because to forgive can sometimes be perceived as weakness, pride for a very similar reason. No one likes to be thought of as weak, or a "push over," but to make that crucial decision of whether to forgive and forget or not, it is important to look at the situation without emotion clouding the problem. This is why counseling or confiding in a friend can be so useful in times of doubt.
Deciding to Forgive and Forget or Appease
Although disappointment and let-down can invoke strong emotions, solving the problem of whether to forgive and forget needs a cool calm head. Easier said than done of course, but before making a decision, one should try to look at the problem from a dispassionate point of view.
Pretend you are a counselor; write down the questions you would ask if someone in your situation came to you for advice.
- Does the person who has let you down understand how much they have hurt you?
- Did they understand what they were doing when they committed the injustice or wrong-doing?
- Have you let them get away with it in the past?
- Was it a genuine mistake?
- What have they done to show remorse?
- Will your life be better if you don’t forgive?
- Is there any way you could have helped cause the problem?
- What would be the defense of the person who let you down?
After you have made your own list try to answer the questions in a cool calm way. Using this method might well draw you to the conclusion most people would come to, it is then up to you. But whatever you decide, stick to your decision and if you doubt it in the future, go over your list again to reassure yourself you have got it right.
Sometimes enough is enough, but if you can find it in yourself to forgive and forget, one can banish the feelings of guilt. Forgiveness can help one acquire peace of mind.
Related Articles
If you have found this article helpful, perhaps you would like to read How to be More Positive and Assertive or Change your Life, Rebuild Confidence and Self Esteem.
 |
