It's unproductive to try to explain why bad things happen. The "why" question generally lends itself to finding fault, someone to blame. Often, that someone is ourselves and we feel guilt over the event(s) that we imagine caused the bad thing to happen, such as I wasn't good enough or I'm so dumb.
On the other hand, it's also not productive to pretend the bad thing either isn't bad after all or didn't happen. It won't go away if ignored. Instead it will sink below the level of consciousness and continue to trouble in a stealth mode, with bad dreams and depression.
Steps You Can Take
There are three important steps to take that will help you deal productively with a bad thing that happens in your life.
- Accept without blame or guilt:
Accept that it happened and that it is indeed a bad event. But without finding fault or blame. It happened. It's not something you would have wanted to happen, not consciously at least.
Sometimes you'll need to get past your initial anger to complete this step. It's normal to become angry at a negative event that you didn't consciously want. While anger may help you vent at first, it will prevent you from moving forward, so vent if it helps, but get past that point as quickly as you can.
- Embrace the new situation as part of you:
Embrace the negative event without approving of it. Accept that it is now a part of your life. This doesn't mean you have to like it, nor welcome it. But accept that it's now with you. Not forever, but for now.
- Change it by looking for the opportunity within:
Look for the opportunity that is still present. There is always opportunity, even in the worst of circumstances. Time and time again, people who have been through very difficult life circumstances come out the other end and express that they're better for having gone through the event. Not that they enjoyed it, nor would want to repeat it. But that going through it made them better in some way or opened up a new avenue of growth and development.
A good way to begin exploring for opportunity is to focus on your core purpose in life, your personal code of values, and the vision you have for your life. Can you see an opportunity for growth toward your vision, perhaps made clearer by your current situation?
Related Articles:The Power of Positive Attitude
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