Most people are at a loss for words when it comes to writing a letter of condolence. The best advice would be to write from the heart and keep it sincere. It doesn’t have to be a lengthy letter, nor does it matter if it is only a few lines. What matters most is the act of communicating.
One major thing to keep in mind is to avoid clichés. Write as if it is the spoken word. Be straightforward and sincere.
Clichés to Avoid
- He's in a better place. How can that be known? The statement is shallow and not sincere.
- I know how you feel. That should not be said unless the exact situation has been experienced.
- It's God's will. No one wants to hear that God planned to take away a loved one and cause pain.
- She's at peace now. Just another shallow statement that does not bring peace to the bereaved.
Writing the Letter
Getting started is usually the hardest part. Where does one begin? Just like with any other letter the beginning should express the reason for the letter. Although it is perfectly fine to do so, one may not want to come right out and say; "I heard of John's death." Another way to express this might be; "I'm so sorry to hear of your tragic loss." Or one may be perfectly honest by saying; "Words cannot express my sorrow. . ."
Once the beginning sentence has been written, the rest gets easier. Express feelings for the deceased, whether he was a life-long friend or only a co-worker. The bereaved finds comfort in hearing how others perceived their loved one. They want to hear stories and descriptions of the qualities admired and the friendship that will be missed.
Ending a letter may be almost as hard as the beginning. Keep it honest and sincere. Don't say something as mundane as; "Please call me if you need anything." Too many people say that without really meaning it. They know that call will never come. It is just an obvious ending. If one truly wants to help it would be better to say; "I will call you in a week or so to see if you need anything." If this is said, one should plan to follow through on the remark. Another ending could be; "I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers."
Sympathy Cards
There are many beautiful sympathy cards on the market. Some people simply buy a sympathy card and sign it. While there is nothing wrong with sending a card, one should do more than add a signature. If one has taken the time to buy and send a card, then the deceased obviously meant something to the sender. A written sentence or two means more to the bereaved than the printed words on the card.
A letter of condolence is sent to express sympathy. The letter should include something personal about the deceased and should convey genuine sorrow. It should let the bereaved know that the deceased will not be forgotten and the loved one is not alone. Never use clichés. Keep you letter sincere and honest.
